I admire these womyn. I am thankful that they were there to blaze the trail to allow me to be me. I don't identify as lesbian but I'm not comfortable with the "bi-sexual" tag either. So I know I wouldn't be welcome in this community, and I'm okay with that because I don't think I could live in a world without men. Not because I want to be with one but because I happen to have a father and two brothers I love and three nephews I adore.
I understand their desire for separatism. The desire to be around like minded womyn, who share the same struggle and want the same things. The desire to know that you're living in a safe environment. Seriously, who doesn't want that? Gay, straight, male, female - we all want to be safe and loved. So I understand. But I also know that the younger generation (if I can even be considered younger anymore) want to raise families. Families that include boys and non-lesbian girls. This community wouldn't allow that, if I'm reading the article right.
I guess my problem is...I don't want to have to live separate from society to be accepted and feel safe. How do you change the world when you shun it? How do you change the world when you're creating the very thing the world accuses you of? Also, unless you're independently wealthy, living in these communities is cost-prohibitive. They're struggling to remain relevant because the younger generation has to work, they have ties to their families and their diverse communities. When these womyn created their collective, it was because the world at large shunned them. They were treated as something "wrong" and the need to have a safe haven was pressing. The need is no longer as pressing now that people are starting to realize that being a lesbian is no big deal. The bigger a deal we make it, the less the "mainstream" society is going to accept us for who we are.
I'm not a radical feminist...heck, political stuff in general makes me break out in hives...but I am out. To my friends, my family (except my father - we allow him to live in his deep denial although I'm fairly certain, because he's not a stupid man, that he knows that Jen and I aren't just "roommates"), and at work. I don't hide who I am anymore. I'm not in your face about it, I'm matter of fact about it - this is me, take me or leave me but I'm not going to change for you or anyone else.
Of course, I recognize that I work in a field that is conducive to being out. I work with emotionally and behaviorally challenged kids...I work within an organization that preaches diversity. They offer domestic partner benefits and, if something should happen to Jen's father or mother, I'd be granted bereavement leave as though Jen and I are married. I'm very fortunate in that respect and recognize not every woman (or man) who is in a same sex relationship has the same freedom.
But isn't that what we're fighting for? Isn't that what these womyn started by separating from society? We're fighting for equality. We're fighting to be recognized as "normal" people. By separating from society, it seems to send the message that either "we're too good for society" or "we're not good enough to live in society".
Since Barack Obama's election, I've been joking that "Gay is the new black"... but in all honesty, the civil rights struggle for gays and lesbians is still very much a struggle and the only way to break the barriers down isn't by constructing more of them, it's by battering the ones there are and telling people...we're your mother, father, sister, brother, friend... we're the same person you loved ten minutes before you found out we're gay, we haven't changed, you just have new information about us.
I'm not sure I've made any sense here. It's rather early in the morning and the randomness of my thoughts on this subject have quite probably created a convoluted message.
The nuts and bolts: I admire and respect these womyn. Without them blazing the trail, I wouldn't be able to be as open as I am. I simply don't want to be one of them...if I'm to be a trailblazer, I want to blaze it right through the world of men and make everyone take notice. I'm not a trailblazer...but if someday I am considered one, I want to be one of the voices that made it possible for the first lesbian to get elected president.
Think that'll do it,
Laurie
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